The Crush: A Hotwife Novel Page 7

  “Yeah? Well that’s probably because I have a lot of group work that I have to finish before I can graduate! I know your work comes down to writing a paper on your own, but my stuff is a little more involved and you’re going to have to be patient with me.”

  “Do you have to do all your projects with that Tyler guy? I’ve seen the way he looks at you…”

  I let out a frustrated growl. What else could I do? We’d had this conversation before when he saw Tyler looking at me at parties he’d invited us to. Did I see him looking at me? Sure, but I didn’t see what the big deal was.

  “We’ve been over this Sean,” I said. “Lots of guys look at me. If you want a girl who doesn’t have guys staring at her all the time then you’re dating the wrong girl.”

  Was that a little egotistical? Yeah, just a bit, but it was also the plain truth. It’s not like I could help it that I had a look that guys enjoyed. It’s not like I’d want to frump it up just because my boyfriend got upset at guys staring at me. In my opinion that meant it was time to get a new boyfriend, not time to change my look entirely.

  I just hated the idea of changing this particular boyfriend. We’d been together so long and I felt like we had a good thing going aside from this jealousy bullshit that I could not stand.

  Sean leaned forward and I felt hope rising in me. Could it be that I was finally getting through to him? Was he finally going to realize that he was endangering our relationship with this bullshit? Was this the moment where we turned over a new leaf?

  “Can you promise me you weren’t cheating on me?”

  Okay then. Maybe we weren’t turning over any new leaves after all. Damn it. And there was something that was off about the way he looked at me. He leaned forward and licked his lips. There was a glint in his eyes. Almost as though he was anticipating something. Almost as though he was looking forward to hearing that I’d cheated on him.

  This was fucking ridiculous.

  “I can’t deal with this anymore,” I said. “I could deal with you getting a little jealous when you see guys looking at me. It was kinda hot at first, but it’s not hot now. I can’t live with a guy who’s constantly questioning whether or not I’m faithful to him, and you need to seriously think about that.”

  “What the hell are you saying Madison?”

  I stopped to think about that for a moment. What was I saying? This was a big moment. I was tired of this, it had been going on in one way or another ever since I started these group projects and it didn’t show any sign of stopping. It was getting worse every night. And I realized that I was so angry that what I really needed was some time on my own. Away from Sean.

  “I think we need to take a night or two off or something,” I said.

  Something new came to his face. Worry. Fear. Hell, I felt a little bit of that myself, though admittedly the anger was far more potent than any worry. More than anything I was exhausted. I wanted to be done with this argument.

  “What exactly do you mean by that?” he asked.

  I sighed and rubbed at my eyes. “I’m not sure, but I don’t think you should sleep in the apartment tonight. It’d be better if you headed over to your parents’ instead.”

  “That’s like a half hour drive away from here!” Sean said.

  “Yeah? Well maybe you should’ve thought of that before you freaked out on me and accused me of cheating on you!”

  A bit of the hysterical anger I’d bottled up finally came out at that. Sean blinked and took a step back. Hopefully he’d finally realized just how far he’d pushed me, and it was way too fucking far as far as I was concerned. I really did need some time away from him.

  Sean stared at me for another moment, and then the anger drained from his face. But it wasn’t replaced with anything like resignation, acceptance, or anything else that would make me think he was about to apologize. No, he was obviously still mad. Just stoically mad now rather than completely pissed off.

  If anything that seemed almost worse. But I was going to weather the storm. After all, he was the one who'd been acting like a first rate asshole this evening, not me.

  He came back a moment later with a bag. That was fast. Probably just had time to toss a couple of things into his bag. Then he grabbed his laptop bag. Of course. It's not like he was going to go anywhere without the precious.

  Sean stormed over to the door and threw it open. Stopped and turned to look at me. It was weird. I knew I shouldn't feel like I was the one being the bitch here, but the way he acted made me feel that way. And it pissed me off that the way he acted made me feel that way. He was the one who was accusing me of cheating on him, after all.

  He opened his mouth as though he was about to say something, and for the second time this evening something snapped inside me. He did not get to act like this. Not after he was such an ass.

  "You really need to think about what the hell you're doing accusing me of cheating," I said. "If you keep this up there's not going to be any more us. This break is going to become a hell of a lot more permanent."

  He stood there for a moment, his mouth open, but he didn't say anything. No, he just turned and stepped out. The door closed behind him, and that was that.

  I collapsed down on the couch. I stared in the apartment we did share to for the past two years at. A place where I thought we'd started building a life together, but now it was starting to look like I’d been mistaken on that point.

  I felt like I should have felt different. I felt like I should have been on the verge of tears or something for a such a momentous occasion.

  I just couldn't work up the energy though. No, I was exhausted. I'd spent the past couple of weeks doing heavy group work preparing for graduation. I'd spent the past couple of weeks dealing with Sean pulling this jealous routine. Hell, I'd spent the past couple of weeks pushing back the thoughts running through my head as a result of Sean’s jealous routine. Thoughts of what it would be like to get with other guys. Thoughts that if I was going to do the time then maybe it would be worth it to go ahead and do the crime as well.

  I pushed those thoughts out of my head again. No, I was numb. I was exhausted. On some level I didn't care about whether my relationship with Sean continued, but I wasn’t too alarmed by that because it was hard for me to work up any energy to care about anything but sleep right now.

  I was so exhausted that I dozed off on the couch, thinking the entire time that Sean needed to get his act together. Because I was absolutely serious that this would be the end of our relationship if he couldn't get this whole bullshit jealous routine under control, and fast.

  The ball was entirely in his court now.

  11: The Future

  Driving for a half hour through the darkness had a great way of toning down all the anger that had been pulsing through me since leaving the apartment. Sure on one level I recognized I’d been an ass, but she’d kicked me out. She actually kicked me out!

  Though I wasn’t sure if I was more angry at Madison or me for being such a fucking idiot in the first place.

  As pissed off as I'd been, I knew the person who had the real point in that argument was entirely Madison. I was an asshole letting a ridiculous fantasy take control. Take control to the point that it looked like I was seriously risking our relationship.

  My cock was still rock hard even on that half hour drive. It was all I could do not to think about Madison with a couple of other guys. It was all I could do to keep my eyes on the road. I was still so turned on, and I was still horny as hell despite all the worries.

  I hadn't had the opportunity to finish myself off earlier, after all. Madison had interrupted that.

  I ran over our argument again and again as I moved through the darkness. And the more I thought about it the more I realized I didn't have a pot to piss in. I was the one who acted unreasonable. I was the one who texted her while she was in the middle of a group project. I was the one who wouldn't let it go.

  Because I hadn't been hoping she was sitting in the library doing gro
up work. No, I was hoping she actually was cheating. Maybe, if I was being completely honest with myself, part of the reason why I'd been so annoying was because I was hoping to push her into doing something. Deep down I thought maybe she would come home and tell me she didn't have any intention of cheating on me at all, but then she reconsidered when I got so annoying. Figured that if she was going to get yelled at she might as well go ahead and do it.

  Talk about fucked up. Had I really done that? Had I really pushed her away like that? What the hell was wrong with me?

  And still the thought of her getting it on with the guys from her group project had my cock so hard. Throbbing. It was all I could do to concentrate on the road.

  It occurred to me that I was on a mostly deserted road. Nothing but a deserted rural two-lane highway as far as the eye could see. There was nothing in between our college town and the much smaller town where we grew up. I figured it might be safe enough to have a little bit of fun.

  I checked the rearview mirror to make sure there was nobody behind me. The coast seemed clear. Nothing but darkness and the occasional light from a farmhouse ahead of me. I smiled. Maybe I could relieve a little bit of the tension I'd been dealing with after all.

  I reached down and unzipped my pants. Kept one hand on the wheel as I grabbed my cock. God that felt great. I had to concentrate to keep from squeezing my eyes shut. That was the last thing I needed to do on an empty highway in the middle of the night.

  My mind went back to a room at the library that I hadn't even been in. I’d been in the library often enough that I could put the picture together, though. I imagined Madison in that room with three guys. Three guys staring at her. Lusting after her. Three guys with rock hard cocks thinking about all the things they wanted to do with her, but never thought they’d actually get to do those things.

  I imagined Madison getting so pissed off at me and that she suddenly stood. Told them exactly what I’d been doing. Told them that if they wanted, tonight was their golden opportunity. She was in a mood to get some revenge on her boyfriend.

  Fuck! I had to concentrate on the wheel. The car started to swerve, and I quickly righted it. Even getting one wheel off the road out in the middle of nowhere like this could pull me into a ditch. That would be the most embarrassing accident in the world, even if I wouldn't ever breathe a word to anyone about what actually caused said accident.

  I started jerking my cock again. Kept one eye on the road and one eye in the fantasy world I'd created where Madison was a complete and total slut. Lying back on the table. Letting them rip her clothes off. Run their hands all over her body. And then that was it.

  I started pumping my load into my pants. I hadn't actually pulled my cock all the way out. That would've created a mess that I wasn't equipped to clean up. Not while I was behind the wheel. Yet it was difficult to keep that wheel on a straight line with the way I was so preoccupied.

  Finally I gasped and it was over. Damn. That had been a pretty fucking intense orgasm. It had been filled with all the jealousy, the sense of betrayal, the secret hope that Madison would cheat on me even as the thought terrified me. Even as I knew that I’d probably turn into a blubbering mess if she was actually stepping out on me.

  Now that I'd had that orgasm, though, I could finally think straight. I could finally sit back and look at everything from an analytical point of view. The obsession didn't have control of me for one brief shining moment, and in that brief shining moment I realized what a monumental ass I’d been.

  Damn it. I thought back everything I'd done. Sure I thought it was crazy while it was going on, but the entire time the craziness had been tempered by my desire to see Madison with another guy. To maybe push her into getting with another guy.

  Now that I was looking at it from the cold hard light of post orgasm regret? Damn. I'd been a first rate asshole!

  And the thought that I'd endangered our relationship suddenly seemed like a much more pressing concern than it had just a couple of minutes ago. I'd risked our relationship. What the hell was wrong with me?

  As if the horror of realizing what I'd done to our relationship without the buffer of my lust fueled obsession to keep me from really thinking about the consequences wasn't enough, the universe decided to give me an extra kick in the nuts. Blue and red lights appeared in my rearview mirror. Terror clutched at my stomach.

  Damn it. As if things couldn't get any worse tonight! First I lose my relationship and now I'm getting a ticket? Son of a bitch!

  I quickly stuffed my cock back into my pants, careful to wipe my come off on the inside of my boxers.

  I pulled off to the side of the road and quickly tried to make myself presentable. At least it was dark enough that the stain on my pants wouldn't be too noticeable. I hoped to God it wouldn't be too noticeable from where the cop was standing.

  I put on some hand sanitizer and got ready. A moment later there was a knock on my window. I rolled it down and stared up at a pretty female officer. Damn was she hot. I wouldn't mind facing the long arm of the law with her, if you catch my drift. And a pretty female officer was the last person I wanted to run into considering my current state.

  Motherfucker.

  "Can I help you officer?"

  "Have you been drinking" she asked. She shone a light in my eyes and I put a hand up to block it out. It was one of those damn LEDs that was blinding.

  "Nothing like that officer," I said.

  Her eyes went to the passenger seat. I glanced over and saw my phone there. And I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe if she thought I was texting she wouldn't try to get me to do a field sobriety test or something. That would be really embarrassing if she pulled me out to walk a line and recite the alphabet forwards and backwards and meanwhile I had a giant stain spreading on the front of my pants the entire time.

  I'd probably die from embarrassment before she got around to arresting me. If I was lucky.

  "You were weaving back and forth in your lane," she said.

  "I'm sorry," I said. "I just have a lot on my mind. I probably just broke up with my fiancée, and…"

  I stopped. My fiancée? Now where had that come from? She was my girlfriend. I hadn't put a ring on her finger yet. I hadn't locked anything down.

  And yet sitting there in the car with a cop shining a bright LED flashlight in my face asking me if I was drunk and probably on the verge of discovering that I'd just been jerking off, I came to one of those realizations that can only happen when you've reached a severe low point in your life.

  I very much wanted Madison in my life on a more permanent basis. I wanted to share my life with her. The idea of not having her in my life was downright terrifying. And I'd pushed her away like an idiot. It might be too late for our relationship and it would all be my fault.

  The thought filled me with a terror that was far greater than the terror of worrying about a cop pulling me out of my car and discovering that I'd been jerking off.

  She leaned against the window. Actually leaned in, sniffed at my breath.

  "Yeah, you haven't been drinking."

  "Told you," I said.

  "You're not on anything else?" she asked, shining her light in my eyes again. I wondered if she was looking for a pupil response or something. The response she was getting was I was getting pissed off. That thing was blinding!

  "No, nothing at all. Just having a really shitty night."

  "Well I wouldn't want to add to that shitty night," she said. "I'm going to let you off with a verbal warning. Just make sure that you keep your eyes on the road and on your steering wheel, and not on texting your fiancée."

  I looked up at her and blinked in surprise. She smiled down at me and actually lowered that damned flashlight.

  "You're letting me go?" I asked.

  "Well I could go ahead and write you a ticket if that would be better?" she asked.

  "No, that's fine. I'm cool with a verbal warning. Just surprised."

  "Right. And when you get to wherever you're going
, maybe you should do whatever you need to do to patch things up with your fiancée? She's a lucky girl."

  And with that the cop was gone. It took a moment for me to process exactly what she'd said. When it came through I was flabbergasted. Had she just said my fiancée was a lucky girl? Was I getting a warning because she thought I was cute or something? Did the hot cop just hit on me?

  I have to admit, that would be the first time I'd heard of something like that happening to a guy. I knew plenty of girls who'd gotten out of tickets by using their hot chick abilities, but never the other way around.

  I suddenly felt a little bit better about myself. I'd been hit on by a hot cop, gotten out of a potential ticket, I was thinking straight because I'd rubbed one out, and I finally realized where I stood with Madison. I'd realized how much I needed her in my life.

  Everything looked bright for a change. Except for the whole thing where I was driving to my parents’ house to spend the night because we were in very real danger of breaking up. I knew what it meant when someone said they wanted to take a break.

  Well then. I might have made a hell of a big mistake tonight, but I could start putting things right tomorrow. I’d start with a quick stop off at the mall.

  All I could do was hope and pray that Madison was willing to give me a second chance, though with what I had planned I was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to resist. At least I prayed she wouldn't be able to resist.

  If she was able to resist that meant our relationship was over, which would be one hell of a bummer. Particularly after this revelation I’d just had.

  There was also one thing that I was absolutely certain of. This obsession was a dangerous thing. It had pushed the love of my life away. Pushed us to the point that we were taking a break and in danger of breaking up. I couldn't let that happen again.

  It was obvious that this obsession with her with other men was dangerous, and it was spiraling out of control. I was letting it spiral out of control because I liked it. That needed to stop. I needed to put an end to this.